I'm so fucking centered right now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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