there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
