So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
