i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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