I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
