I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
