We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You can't just leave with hair like that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
