I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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