UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is my gift to your gina
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
