he was CRYING into my vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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