my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
