you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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