you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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