I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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