i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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