just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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