I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
