they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
