It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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