I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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