hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
