Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
