Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
