I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
