i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
