i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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