last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize