I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize