I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Will you blow on my dice?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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