i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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