Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize