I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
