Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course I have a pirate flag
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize