dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
