He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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