I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
