Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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