CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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