hotel room ftw
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize