they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
