Cold hands, warm shart.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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