he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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