I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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