Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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