So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She bit a glass in half.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
