do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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