that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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