its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize