A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
