He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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