Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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