I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
