After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
