I am puke
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize