So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
