Your face is a jimmy john
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
