i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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