I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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