So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
