Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
