I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
