i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
