can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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