I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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