Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
