I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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