it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's just like the Real World with babies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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