I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
