so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
