she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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