have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize