And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
