My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
