There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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