Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
