good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize